


Apology - Secret Santa for sadsolar

by ephona



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5544878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephona/pseuds/ephona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written as a Christmas gift to sadsolar on Tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apology - Secret Santa for sadsolar

He couldn't feel a thing within the empty, black room.  A single light from above shown down on him, illuminating a small spot where he sat sprawled on the ground.  His eyes stung with tears.  He felt like his stomach had just tied itself in a knot.  A sensation of crushing stones barreled down his shoulders while all he could hear was, "It's my fault.  It's my fault.  It's my fault." The words slipped from his own dry, chapped lips.  He tried to say something else but all that came out were the same three words.

"It's my fault.  It's my fault.  It's my fault . . ."

In his ears, an incessant beeping gradually started.  It was steady like a pulse and sounded like it was coming from an old machine.  It got progressively louder and louder as his words suddenly stopped.  He clasped his hands over his ears, trying to stop the now piercing beeping.  It just kept getting louder and louder and louder.

Then, he heard a scream.  It was such a familiar scream for some reason.  Full of remorse, longing, terror . . .

Yes, he remembered it now.  He could never forget that scream.  It was Killua's.

It was at that moment that the light above him turned a deep crimson red and, in front of him, danced the headless figure of a cat-like creature.  He didn't have any time to scream himself as their sharp claws came right for his jugular.

*~*~*~*~

"Gon. Gon! Gon, wake up! Gon!" Killua's open palm jostled him right out of his nightmare.  He squirmed as he jolted up, screaming out in pain.

"Aaah! Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow! W-What was that for?"

Killua responded with a piercing 'shh' and a finger to his lips.  He then pointed to the other person sleeping on Killua's left side.  The pieces of reality he'd missed while being engrossed in a terrifying fantasy world clicked into place.  Whatever he'd just conjured in his head was far from the decent motel room he was now sharing with Killua and his sister, Alluka, on their way to the World Tree.  It wasn't a large room, only having one king sized bed for the three children.  The blanket of night had fallen over them from within the drawn curtains.  He focused on Killua, trying to read his expression.  He could remember his dream very vividly but Killua had hit him with such urgency and now his face almost looked terrified?  Rubbing the afflicted area, he frowned.

"Killua, why did you do that?"

"You woke me up, screaming.  I'm surprised Alluka is still asleep, actually." His face softened as did the tension in his voice.  "You were screaming bloody murder, like someone was killing you or something.  What the hell were you dreaming about?"

Gon pulled the edge of his covers up to his chest.  He knew exactly why he had that dream.  His knees were still knocking at the sight of Pitou's decapitated body trying to kill him within his dream world.  He didn't want to tell Killua but, if he didn't, he'd just be repeating the same thing over again, wouldn't he?  Swallowing his fear, he glanced down at the edge of the motel bed as he spoke.

"I was dreaming about fighting Pitou, I think.  I don't know.  Not a lot was happening but I just couldn't stop saying things I didn't want to say and then I . . . I heard you scream my name.  Just like you did when you saw me as that monster."

The two said nothing for about a minute.  Killua obviously looked a bit disturbed maybe even nervous at the mention of Gon's terrible transformation that had put him in an almost irreversible coma.  Gon never liked seeing him that way nor did he like remembering the sight of his own fists and arms large, bulging with muscles and veins and covered in blue Chimera Ant blood.  The experience scared him, as surreal and almost unbelievable as it was.

"Don't sweat it," Killua's carefree voice split the silence.  "Nightmares happen.  I was just making sure you weren't like dying or something.  Sorry bout slapping you." He put a hand on Gon's shoulder.  "You gonna be okay now?"

"Killua, I was never okay."

Stunned by his outburst, Killua pulled his entire body towards Gon holding him in a light but loving hug.  "Me either, Gon.  That's what makes us the best of friends.  We've gone through hell and back together.  We don't have to be perfect to be friends, right?"

"Right."

"You need me to get you some water or something to help you fall back asleep?  You think there's a vending machine in the lobby?"

Gon shook his head.  "I'm fine, Killua.  I'm fine."

"All right then." Killua tucked himself back under his covers, patting Alluka's sleeping head to make sure she hadn't actually woken up and was just pretending to sleep.  "Just remember, you have a big day tomorrow.  Gotta rest up." He turned towards Alluka, closing his eyes just a bit before being rudely interrupted again.

"Killua!"

"Whaaat?"

Gon tossed the covers off his knees and sat up, looming over Killua.  His eyes brimmed with tears.  "I . . . I need to tell you something I haven't said to you yet."

"Huh? What?" Killua asked, worried.

"Killua, about what happened with Kite.  And with Pitou.  And those things I said to you.  I . . . I wasn't thinking straight." He placed himself in a seiza position and bowed his head.  "I didn't mean any of it!  I'm sorry, Killua! I'm so so sorry! A-And I'm sorry it took me this long to say sorry. I've done some awful things to you and I'm so sorry.  You've done so much for me . . . and I just--" Tears choked up the rest of his words with trembling sobs.  "Please! Please forgive me, Killua!"

More shocked than anything, Killua also wiggled his way out of the covers to sit facing Gon.  He placed one hand on top of Gon's spiky head while the other came up to touch the side of Gon's teary, wet face.  "Hey, hey, it's okay.  Stop crying, all right?  I forgive you."

He looked up at his friend, snot running down his nose.  "W-wait, just like that?  Killua?"

"Yeah, just like that.  Apologies don't have to be all drawn out and dramatic, jeez." He wiped tears from his face, giggling a bit at his still intact innocence and naivety.  "Honestly, Gon, I forgave you the moment you wanted to travel with me for a bit to go meet with your dad."

"Y-You did?"

"Yeah.  It's just like 'thank you’s' with me, remember?  Friends don't owe me things like that.  If we're good friends, it should be unspoken, right?"

Gon shrugged.  He wrapped his fingers around one of Killua's wrists before letting one more sob.

"Thank you for saying sorry, though.  Yeah, you hurt me back there but I knew it wasn't because you hated me.  War does that to people.  It makes them think all weird." He pressed his forehead to Gon's.  "I'm just glad you're alive.  That's all that matters to me."

Gon never forgot that moment.  The dream was unforgettable as well as his apology to Killua.  But the thing that made him cherish and keep that memory forever more was feeling Killua lift his forehead off his and replace it with a motherly kiss. 

"I love you, Gon.  I love you so much.  Now, get some rest."


End file.
